Avery Reflection
I recently read a quote:
“You have a…
Newborn for a month
Toddler for two years
Preschooler for two years
Child for five years
Preteen for three years
Teenager for five years.
And then they’re off.
Take care in what you do with those years. They are few, though they may seem like many.”
This little guy is soon to be six years old. When people have told me that “you had better
enjoy these years because they grow up so quickly”, they certainly were
right. I see the reality in that
statement even more each year Avery has another birthday. He is no longer a newborn, an infant, a
toddler or a preschooler. We have now
entered into childhood with him.
His physical growth was so rapid in the newborn through
preschool years. Although he is still
physically growing, I’m seeing a more rapid growth cognitively from him. Avery can verbalize what he is thinking and feeling
more accurately. He is also more aware
of others around him, he has thoughts about how others might view him or why
they feel a certain way considering what their point of view might be.
Avery’s play has changed somewhat. He no longer believes that he magically possesses
super powers (like his “running power”), but he knows it’s just “pretend” and
that it’s OK to still play like he has them.
He has even pointed out that “cartoons aren’t real”, but that they are
still fun to watch. Understanding this
concept, of what is real and what is not real, has helped him not have as many
nightmares since he is assured of what he was afraid of might not be real, but
may just be from his imagination. Just
because it’s in a book or on TV doesn’t make it automatically real.
We have let him play the Wii occasionally (especially during
cold weather so that he has a physical outlet indoors). He physically, mentally and emotionally gets
into the games. They have brought out an
intense, competitive nature in him, but they have also been a learning
tool. If he gets so upset for losing
that he becomes out of control, we will warn him that we will have to shut the
game off so that he can have a chance to gain control of himself again. Now, for fear of losing his privilege of
playing, he has become better at internally managing himself when losing and
channeling his focus. We try to set a
reasonable limit to how long he can play, and have even used a library book to
help us discuss how it’s OK to play video games, but the disadvantages of
playing them too much. He also
understands that they are not real, but they are fun to pretend and play.
Although he has made strides in differentiating between
fantasy and reality, thankfully that thinking has not hindered his
imagination. When he cannot play the
Wii, he still enjoys playing with his Hotwheels, building Legos, creating
crafts (his room is often a mess with art materials, paper and his projects),
drawing video games on paper, and drawing characters and inventions that he
concocts in his rich imagination.
Sometimes he will get fixated on a few good and bad guy characters and
draw their episodes over and over with different weapons and scenarios. When he sees me walking to the trash with an
empty cereal box, paper towel tube, twisty tie, milk jug, etc… he will often
ask me “Are you going to throw that away?!
Can I have it?!!!” On the
playground, he tells me of the games that he and his buddies make up and play
over and over again at recess. This
shows us that he is getting better about being able to entertain himself
(rather than needing one of us to entertain him constantly), but he also can
cooperate in imaginative play with other kids too.
Most of Avery’s close friendships are now with other boys,
although he will tell me that he still has friends that are girls. He mainly plays with boys at recess. Last year in preschool, he would play with
both the boys and the girls. He might have
related well with some of the girls last year since they were verbal-oriented
like him. They often would step in and
help make him laugh to calm him down when he got to a level of being upset to
where he struggled being able to calm himself down.
For his birthday this year, given the option, he preferred
to have one friend celebrate with him rather than a party with several
friends. We took him and his friend to
Chuck E. Cheese for an evening of pizza, token video games and fun. While I followed Aileen around letting her
explore the sounds and lights of the machines, Clint took the boys and had some
guy time playing games. The two boys
themselves ate an entire pizza! I
realized that we are going to need to make sure to have a lot more food in the
house available as Avery and his buddies grow!
With their ticket earnings, the boys each bought glow-in-the dark
vampire teeth and laughed about their adventures all the way home in the van. “Avery Alvin” means “noble friend”, and I
think that he is maturing into one, learning how to value others as well as
himself.
Avery’s Dad is a good model of a “noble friend”. Now that Avery is older, he is able to
accompany Clint to more things.
Sometimes he comes with his Dad up to the school while Clint may need to
work on the stage or in the classroom after hours. Together, they have enjoyed attending a
football game, basketball game, listening to his Dad announce the football
games, watch his Daddy perform improvisational skits on stage at church, speak
in church, run errands around town, help wash and vacuum the vehicles, use
tools to fix things around the house, etc… Clint was also able to coach Avery’s
soccer team last spring. They like to
wrestle, play the Wii, play board games, play cards and Clint even makes time
to read him a chapter from a book each night for bedtime. At this age, Avery still loves his Mom, but
he is identifying more with his Father’s example.
Kindergarten has been a character building year for
Avery. Although he is academically
bright, some of the skills in the school setting has been a challenge for
him. Sitting still (although, he can sit
still for an extending period of time listening to a book), raising his hand
and waiting to be called upon before speaking, speaking in turn, waiting,
taking turns and cooperating in groups and other social skills are things that
he is really working on. We can tell
that he has some hard days, but they seem to be a necessary struggle that he
will have to go through in order to mature in those areas. Academically he is doing great, socially he
is improving. We have set up a couple of
charts at home for him, at his request, to help him. One chart allows him to get a sticker for
each day that he doesn’t have any minutes taken off of his recess for behavior. Another chart allows him to get a sticker for
each paper he brings home that he completes without any errors marked. If he fills the chart with stickers, he will
be allowed a reward (such as a playdate, ice cream, etc…)
Along with the responsibilities he has at school, he also
has some at home. Each weekend Avery has
chores that he completes to help out the family. Saturday is generally a cleaning day at home. Avery contributes by doing cleaning
chores. He is able to earn an allowance
by doing them. One part of his allowance
goes into the tithe jar (which he takes out and brings to church each Sunday),
another part is placed into the savings jar (that he can save up an amount to
spend as he chooses) and the last part goes into the spending jar. He is able to use the spending money to buy
candy from the candy jar if he wants. Overall,
he seems to be adjusting to the responsibilities, expectations, and is well-liked
by his peers and views kindergarten positively most of the time.
At the near midpoint of the school year, Avery has already
made many academic strides. He has
mastered identifying colors, letters (upper & lowercase) and basic letter
sounds. He is also able to write both
upper and lowercase letters, although he may still reverse some. He can count beyond 100, count by twos and
fives, and can write numbers (with some reversals). They do counting competitions in the classroom
which he thrives on. He can also do
patterns, has the basic knowledge of coins, can do basic addition and
subtraction and can write and repeat his telephone number. The class just started reading groups, and
Avery is able to read some short books on his own. They have special classes like PE, computers,
art and music each week that he especially enjoys. His class also has celebrated two parties this
year, one for the fall and one for Christmas, which Aileen and I got to attend
and help out with. I’m sure he keeps his
teacher very busy, but she is structured and has a lot of experience teaching
and handling all types of children’s personalities. We are pleased with the experience he is
having this year, but know that it has been a challenge for him.
Humor is something that he has really been trying to be good
at since preschool to earn the attention of adults and peers. We are still learning the appropriate use of
humor, and still have our “joke of the day” on the way to school. Avery’s humor is usually light-hearted and
adds to the likeable charm of his goofy self.
He joyfully feeds off of the attention it gives him.
Looking back, Avery’s temperament really hasn’t changed much
from what we saw from him as a toddler and preschooler. Little by little he has developed the ability
to have more self-control over his emotions and more able to calm himself down
after being upset. We still see the high
energy, passionate, intense, assertive, stubborn, driven, humorous, uninhibited,
happy, imaginative, goofy, polite, confident, ornery, loyal, affectionate,
friendly, talkative, socially-oriented, outgoing, curious, bright boy we have
grown to love.
It’s been interesting to see how he has adapted to becoming
a big brother. At age four, after having
most of the attention from his parents, a baby sister entered the scene. At first, it probably was hard to get used to
his parents needing to share their attention with his sibling, but even now he
seems to understand as long as he sees an effort on our part to show him that
we try our best to show love and concern to both of them. He likes the status of being the oldest and “biggest”,
but also likes to be able to help teach Aileen.
When he is bored, he pesters her (which she does the same with
him). When she is about to hurt herself,
he is very protective of her and even warns the other kids at the playground to
be careful around her. He seems relieved
when we have to discipline Aileen (as if he is thankful that he is not the only
one who gets disciplined), but maybe he also understands more by watching how
we discipline in a spirit of trying to stop bad behavior with consequences
while teaching good behavior so that it benefits them. Avery enjoys how Aileen empathizes with him
while he is frustrated and crying by trying to console him, or how she will
accompany him in time out to help him feel better. It’s like a tug of war between jealousy and
love between the both of them. Siblings
teach each other so many things that parents alone cannot do. Hopefully, we can guide these interactions
wisely and that they will grow up together with a special sibling bond, despite
the four year age gap between them.
I’m thankful that Avery and I still have our “Avery – Momma
time” in the afternoons while Aileen naps.
I pray that this invested time blesses Avery as much as it blesses
me. The daily routines can seem very
long, but five years with Avery has already come and gone much too quickly.
